Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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