cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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