I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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