Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
