Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
