What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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