yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
