Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
