I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
