I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We need to get me chipped asap
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
