Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
