What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Let's get the cat blown out
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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