FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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