listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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