my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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