she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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