sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize