I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
