he puts the penis in happiness.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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