super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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