I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
