Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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