What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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