worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
