I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
All I want is dick and wine.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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