Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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