I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
