i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
