you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
