12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
