did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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