Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
