There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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