That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
