In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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