y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
