ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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