ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
