I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
sarcasm needs its own font
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
