he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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