and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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