I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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