The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
