I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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