i jhust puked up my retainher.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize