I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
