Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
