Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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