I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
