ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
