Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
sarcasm needs its own font
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
