i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize