I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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