I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
