i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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