you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
