Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
