Will you blow on my dice?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize