I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
