Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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