i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
