You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
