My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
