Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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